how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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