I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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