I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
