you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
