Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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