Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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