There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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