When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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