so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
