K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
