I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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