i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
