I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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