I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
