like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
