She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
