And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
