Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
