your thong is hanging out like whoa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
