Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
