420 ftw
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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