Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
