took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
