I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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