you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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