Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
