it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
