its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
