forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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