but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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