It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
