Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
