we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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