don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
