There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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