First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
