dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
