boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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