Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i came on her dog
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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