I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
