You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
