From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
