i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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