This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I want her autograph on my taint
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
