dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
