in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
