He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
