TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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