why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
