am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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