Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
