My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
