I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
